Laptop and a Rifle Calendar!!

It’s here! And it’s awesome!! What’s here? The 2011 Laptop and a Rifle Calendar, that’s what. And you can buy it (or just preview it) right now for the low low price of $29.17 (well, preview is free)! Wait, you’re still here? Perhaps you are not convinced. Well, let me list the reasons why you should buy this calendar, because trust me, this ain’t no ordinary calendar and you won’t find one like it anywhere on the internet.

Feature 0: It’s got shiny photos I took! Yep, all the photos in this calendar were taken by yours truly. About half the photos are from Serenity Valley, and the rest are from various places in the US. If you want to see pretty pictures of trees and hills and flowers and waterfalls and… etc etc, this calendar is for you! Or if you know someone who likes trees and hills and flowers and waterfalls and etc etc, it may be a perfect gift for them! The calendar is also printed on nice thick stock – paper so thick I kept thinking I was flipping two pages when I was only flipping one (yes, that’s a feature, I swear)!

Feature 1: Buying this calendar will make me happy (and support this blog)! Yes, I will make a small profit if you buy this calendar. But, it’s not much. More importantly, it’ll make me feel warm and fuzzy inside, because regardless of your real reason for buying the calendar, I will assume that it’s because you enjoy my blog and support what I’m doing. Isn’t that a great deal? You could be buying this calendar to give to your annoying neighbor, or that aunt you hate, or the ugly step child you secretly want to sell to the circus, or your fish Wanda who has no concept of date or time, and I will still feel warm and fuzzy inside. So, it’s like buying a gift that comes with a satisfaction guarantee (so, ok, the guarantee is for my satisfaction, not yours or the unlucky recipient’s, but we’re just splitting hairs at this point). On a more serious note, your support does mean a lot to me, and will encourage me to stay up on my property and keep blogging a bit longer, rather than giving up and returning to a life in the warm and well paid cubicle farm…

Feature 2: It’s got more holidays than any other calendar!* This calendar has at least one holiday per week, sometimes even two or three! And these aren’t boring ol’ holidays. I mean, if you need a calendar to tell you that January 1st is New Years Day, you probably had a bit too much champaign. But, did you know that January 3rd is “Drinking Straw Day“? Or that January 13th is “Rubber Duckie Day“? Don’t forget “Working Naked Day” on February 1st either. And while you may know that September 19th is Talk Like a Pirate Day, you may not know that two weeks before that, September 5th, is Be Late for Something Day. If you didn’t have this calendar to remind you of these obscure but fun holidays, you might totally miss out, and 2011 may end up being a boring year like any other. So, if you want your year to be less boring, you should buy this calendar. (* – Well, at least, of all the calendars that I’ve seen…)

Feature 3: Warm photos for cold months, cool photos for warm months! Why do calendars match their photos with the months? I mean, if I wanted to know what it looks like outside right now, I’d just look out the window rather than look at the calendar. So, with this calendar, I flipped things around. The cold winter months show sunny warm photos taken in the summer, to help you feel warmer! And the summer months show nice and cool photos, like a picture of a waterfall, or pictures of ice and snow, to help you cool off. Now, that’s another feature you won’t find on other calendars. (Feature only available to residents of the Northern Hemisphere.)

Feature 4: Two extra months for 2012! Many calendars go up until January of the following year. So I went one further! This calendar goes all the way to February 2012 so you basically get a sixth of a 2012 calendar with your 2011 calendar! Actually, there’s a mini calendar for March ’12 on the last page, so if you’re really scrappy, you can hold off until March 31st 2012 before getting a new calendar. You know what that means? It means you can wait later than everybody else to get a 2012 calendar, by which point you’d be able to get one for far cheaper. So, even though this calendar may seem to be a bit pricey, it’s not, because you’re basically getting a discount for your 2012 calendar. Oh, and if the world ends before March 31st 2012, you might not even need a calendar, and you can laugh at those suckers who paid lots of money for one. And trust me, if the world ends, you’re going to want something to laugh about…

Feature 5: The price is a prime number. Yes, you read that right. There is no $x.99 or $n.79 trick going on here. I chose the price because it’s a prime number. In fact, the price is comprised of not one, but three primes: 2917 is a prime, as are 29 and 17! (Sadly, with tax and/or shipping, the actual amount you pay might not be a prime, but that’s not my fault.)

Feature 6: This is the only calendar to be endorsed by my friends’ cats: Gimli, Nymera and Una. Here is the photographic evidence of their heartfelt and enthusiastic endorsement:

If you’re still not convinced, well… I’m out of ideas. Let me know what you’d like to see in your ideal calendar, and I might be able to incorporate it in future editions!